Love and Alzheimer’s: July 2019

Monday, July 1, 2019:   Vera is napping next to me. I just gave her a shower after we took a nice walk. The weather has been almost perfect, not too hot but warm enough to swim in the afternoon.  I have not felt like writing much but I have been feeling really good. The swimming usually invigorates me and gives me some extra energy. Vera has been resistant to getting done but I hold her close and she feels me and my attentions. I have been getting off pretty regularly by my own hand and would love it if Vera wanted some stroking. She has been fairly happy and giggling regularly. Her appetite is still very good. Her coughing has been fair. No long episodes but  every few hours I do give her a lozenge or something to suck on. We have been walking twice a day almost every day.

We sold 3 videos yesterday. I wonder if that is due to my feeling more appreciative of the abundance of money from reading the Hicks and Abraham book. I also have been reading Elizabeth Gilbert’s book City of Girls and a couple of books by Diane Setterfield. The Warriors almost won the NBA but Klay Thompson got hurt and in the 6^thgame and that was too much to over compensate for and lost. They did play like champions and were winning that game in the fourth quarter when he went down. 

We did drive to Berkeley a couple of weeks ago to see Ginger aka Gia Lynne give her book presentation. She was pretty nervous and did not relate with the audience until the second part when there was a q and a. we got home before it got too dark and it was a fun outing. Her dad our old friend RJ also was diagnosed with a tumor of his colon. It has metastasized and he has to undergo treatments. 

I count my blessings in that respect. Frank came by to swim a couple of times and we got Vera to join us in the hot tub on one occasion. She seemed to like it but has not wanted to do it again since. She also liked sitting in the garden outside.

Sunday, July 21”  It is close to noon. Vera is sitting on the chair next to me. It’s been a beautiful weather wise and emotional wise month too. I have not written much here because I think at least this is what I think that I have not been doing Vera. I tried one time and it was not fun. Vera complained that my hand was too cold and I persisted instead of stopping or at least warming my hands. I have been getting off fairly regularly and those have been fun. I have not given up. We have been kissing frequently and those have been as good as ever. Our hugs are fun too and I can feel Vera enjoying those.

I have been swimming almost daily. Vera comes and hangs out with me about half of those times and otherwise waits for me upstairs. She seems OK with that. I got her a new Snuggle pedic pillow supreme and she sleeps better though at times when she wakes up in the middle of the night and wants to talk though I’m not sure what she really wants to talk about. Sometimes she giggles and then goes back to sleep. A couple of nights ago she was giggling, being entirely amused with something, mentioning the number three and chocolate and then going back to sleep. 

I seem to be happier, more joyous and money seems more abundant possibly from reading Esther Hicks and the Abraham book. I did have a biopsy on a little pimple on my nose and it did come back that I had squamous cell skin cancer. This is quite common resulting from years of sun damage and I will have it taken out though it looks much better after the biopsy. I do avoid the sun usually but not for my whole life. I did not mention it to anyone except Diane since she knows about these things and she has had similar things and so does her husband Jim. 

I started another Neal Stephenson book called Fall. It’s about technology and is fairly interesting. I also started reading another book called Atomic Habits by James Clear. It is short but has good advice, such as; doing incremental adjustments and additions and that habits are best to change by changing ones identity and beliefs. The word identity comes from the Latin root meaning repeated beingness.

I wrote Vera a poem after taking some CBD oil and feeling like writing.

If you were a cup I’d be a saucer

If you read Canterbury I’d be Chaucer

If you were a map I’d be Mercator

If you liked Star Wars I’d be Darth Vader

If you were a cap I’d be a scalp

I you were Hannibal I’d cross an Alp

If you were Minnie I’d be your mouse

When you want spice I’d be your spouse

If you liked Dylan I’d be chilling

If you were willing I’d be thrilling

If you were Niagara I’d be spilling

If you were a pillow I’d be your filling

If you were a bee I’d be your nectar

If you liked math I’d use a vector

If you liked holes I’d be your cheese

If you had a cold I’d bless your sneeze

If you were a branch I’d grow you trees

If you said thanks I’d say please

If you were a spider I’d be your web

If you were the tide I’d flow and ebb

If you were a gorilla I’d be your mist

If you were a boxer I’d be your fist

If you were a farmer I’d live in the dell

If you were the devil I’d live in hell

If you were a boat I’d have to row it

If you were words then I’d be a poet

If you were an octopus I’d be your arm

If you were lucky I’d be your charm

If you were a gun I’d be your trigger

If you were vim then I’d be vigor

If you were a bird I’d be a feather

If you were a meteorologist I’d be weather

If you were a referee I’d be your whistle

If you were a launching pad I’d be your missile 

I you were an Albatross I’d be Coleridge

If you were perishable I’d keep you in the fridge.

You bring out the best in me

You know how to do it

You’ve been my life’s destiny

And flow as pure spirit

Words for you take me higher 

A geyser that roots for me

Your desires so inspire

Creating how I want to be

A force field without a wire

A moment of eternity

A time that has no prior

A source that is but cannot see

Like the heat without the fire

You are as fine as finite infinity

If you were the forest I would be wood

If you were Maid Marion I’d be Robin Hood

If you were Guinevere I’d be Lancelot

If you liked Paris we’d be in France a lot

If you were ice cream I’d be a cone

If you were a dog Id be your bone

If you were an arc then I’d be St. Joan

If you wanted to borrow money then I’d be a loan

If you were Garbo then I’d leave you alone

If you wanted permanent then I’d write this in stone

If you were a piano I’d be Brahms

If you were the bible you’d find me in Psalms

If you were ginger Rogers I’d be Fred Astaire

If you wanted spiritual I’d become more aware

If you were Dale Evans I’d be Roy Rogers

If you liked bums I’d root for the Dodgers

If you were Pocahontas I’d be John Rolfe or Smith

If you were on Olympus I’d be a Greek myth. 

July 26:  It is around noon. It’s been hot out lately but today is cooler. We drove to the store early and then walked. We usually drive on Saturday but it is supposed to be really hot tomorrow. I’ve been really enjoying swimming almost every day. Because of the heat Vera has stayed upstairs. I’ve been still reading Fall and Atomic Habits by James Clear. It has some good ideas in it such as adding on a new habit to an old habit. The 4 parts of a habit are the cue, which should be obvious, the craving, which should be attractive and the response, which should be easy and the reward, which should be satisfying.

I’m feeling pretty good. All of Vera’s kids called this week. They all have health issues of some kind. I gave Helen the library book about the law of attraction and money and she is doing a bit better. She has been asking us for money often but fortunately our stocks have been doing really well so I feel richer than ever. 

Vera is about the same. Sometimes she knows where the bathroom is and other times she does not. She still does not desire sex but she likes kissing. It is hard to get her into the shower but when I have strong intent she responds. She had her hair done this week. I liked the way it looked before better. It seemed fuller and thicker. I think I have to wash it again to help it out. 

I did a podcast yesterday with Nasanin. It went pretty good I think. I don’t know if anyone listens to these things? 

Saturday, July 27:  Another warm day so we both woke up early and were home from our walk by 9AM. I just journaled yesterday but I was very pleased yesterday before dinner when Vera agreed to take off her pants and get on the bed with me. I’ve been asking often, but maybe had a little more intention this time. We had some nice kissing first.

Then I lay down next to Vera and played with her thighs and belly. I could feel some contractions when I pulled up over her clitoral area and Vera said that it felt good. I put my hand upon her genitals and just pressed a few times. Then I got just a little lubricant and just pressed my finger between her labia. This is when she really had some good contractions. I just pressed and released rhythmically. We kissed some more and then I got a little more lubricant and brought it up her labia almost touching her clitoris. She would have a couple contractions with each stroke. Then I got on the clitoris for a few strokes. First pressing then stroking and the contractions multiplied. I gave Vera a couple little peaks like this. I could feel she might have enough and asked her if she wanted more. She said she was done. I waited a minute or more kissing her again  and then felt like there was some more to have. I asked her to say one more peak please and she repeated those words. I gave her a nice one more peak on the clitoris, which Vera enjoyed with even more intensity. I told her I’d bring her down and pressed her genitals again with my middle finger in her introitus. She was still getting off on the way down. She even asked me to do a second wiping off stroke.

My penis was feeling turned-on and I gave myself a number of peaks that Vera watched. I squeezed her thigh at some point too. I leaked quite a bit but did not squirt. Vera was in a really good mood for the rest of the evening.

Wednesday, July 31:  I went to the dermatology surgical place yesterday. Vera came with me. We had to wait quite a bit. I was in a pretty good mood. I like the lady doctor Ahmad. She thinks it will be fast and easy. I have an appointment for next week. Frank will hang with Vera while I am at the appointment. 

If you were Picasso I’d be your paint

If you were Catholic I’d become a saint

If you were oxygen I’d be a lung

If you were words I’d be a tongue

If you were a ladder I’d be a rung

If you were the gallows I’d want to be hung

If you were Hepburn then I’d be Tracy

If you liked baseball I’d bat for Casey

If you were a car I’d be a wheel

If you were a thief I’d let you steal

If you liked bargains I’d give you a deal

If you were hungry I’d cook you a meal

If you liked socialism then I’d be Bernie

If you needed a lawyer I’d be an attorney

If you wanted to travel we’d go on a journey

If you were Burt then I’d be Ernie

If you liked war I’d be a cannon

If you were a fascist I’d be Steve Bannon

If you were Judy then I’d be Punch

If you were still hungry I’d make you lunch

If you liked boxing we’d watch Sugar Ray and Hearns

If you were Gracie then I’d be George Burns

If you were Tonto I’d be the Lone Ranger

If you were Mary I’d build you a manger

If you liked thrills I’d create some danger

If you wanted strange ass I’d pretend to be a stranger

If you wanted to sail, I’ll be a sailor

If you want to be in jail I’ll be your jailor

If you want a tale I’ll be a tailor

If you’re on a trail I’ll be a trailer

If you want blood I’ll be Vlad the impaler

If you liked naked and dead then I’d be Norman Mailer

If you want to be nailed I’ll be a nailer

If you want Jeopardy I’ll be Alex Trebec

If you want an artistic midget I’ll be Toulouse Lautrec

If you want a little kiss I’ll give you a peck

If you want a little more I’d gladly neck

If you were Isolde then I’d be Tristan

If you moved to Detroit then I’d be a Piston

If you wanted caffeinated aspirin I’d give you Dristan

If you wanted an upset how about Clay versus Liston

If you were Laurel I’d want to be Hardy

If you were late then I’d be tardy

If you were Costello then I’d be Bud Abbott

If you were a magician then I’d be your rabbit

If you wanted a behavior I’d become a habit

If you wanted the brass ring then I would grab it

If you were Beyoncé then I’d be Jay Z

If you wanted wild then I could act crazy

If you wanted to do nothing then I  could be lazy

If you were Donald duck then I’d be Ms. Daisy

If you were Snow White I’d be a charming prince

If you washed your hair I could help you rinse

If you wanted little pieces then I would mince

If you cut off your ear then I’d call you Vince

If you were Princess Leah then I’d be Hans Solo

If you were Ralph Lauren then I’d wear a polo

If you wanted a plea I’d be contendere nolo

If you were Paul Simon I’d be Art Garfunkel

If you liked infections then I’d be a carbuncle

If you were a finger then I’d be a knuckle

If you were a chimp and my niece then I’d be a monkey’s uncle

If you were Ilsa in Casablanca then I’d be Rick

If you were Nora Charles then I’d be Nick

If you wanted a taste I’d give you a lick

If you were Minnie then I’d be your Mick

If you were a bee, then I’d want to be stung

If you were a youth then I’d want to be young

If you were a song then I’d want it to be sung

If you were a spring then I’d want it to be sprung

If you were Dr. Watson then I’d be Sherlock Holmes

If you were a range then I’d be a buffalo who roams

If you were long hair then I’d be brushes and combs

If you liked rhymes then I’d be writing lots of poems

If you were Adam then I’d have to be Eve

If you were the truth then I’d have to believe

If you were a thought I’d have to conceive

If you were a gift then I would love to receive

If you were a file then I’d want to retrieve

If you wanted guileless than I’d want to be naïve

If you were a faith then I’d have to believe

If you are Vera then I have to be Steve

If you were an if then I’d have to be a then

If you were a what then I’d be a when

If you liked writing then I’d be a pen

If you liked koans then I’d study Zen

If you were Barbie then I’d want to be Ken

If you were a piggy then I’d still be a pen

If you like rice then I‘ll be Uncle Ben

If you want a diagram then I’ll draw a Venn

If you want eggs then I’ll be a hen

If you want it accessible then I will open

If you want to be perfect then I’ll give you a ten

If you want Japanese I’ll give you some yen

If you were Stimpy then I’d be Ren

If you were Lombard then I’d be Clark Gable

If you were a pool ball then I’d be the table

If you wanted to kill your brother then I’d be Abel

If you wanted some fur then I’d get you a sable

If you were Aesop then I must be a fable

If you liked San Francisco then I’d be a car with a cable

If you liked Looney tunes then I’d be Bugs Bunny

If you were a cash register then I’d be receipts and money

If you were a bumblebee then I’d be golden honey

If you liked jokes then I’d be funny

If you were Cher then I’d be Sonny

If you liked word games then I’d be punny

If you were Bonnie then I would be Clyde

If you want rejection then I’d be denied

If you were Dr. Jekyll then I’d be Mr. Hyde

If you liked decisions then I’d let you decide

If you want provisions then I’ll keep you supplied

If you were missing then I’d search far and wide

If you hadn’t been then I’d never have tried

If you like Lawrence of Arabia then I’ll be Peter O’Toole

If you want some fish then I’d stream you a school

If you want a jester, then I’ll gladly play the fool

If you want stubborn then I’ll be a stubborn mule

If you are a masochist then I’ll learn to be cruel

If you want kindness then I’ll be the golden rule.

If you want attention then I will attend

If you want intentions then I will intend

If you are broken then I will want to mend

If you want to be sent then I will want to send

If you want some advice then I will recommend

If you want a mixture then I will have to blend

If you want a buddy then I’ll be your friend

 If you have enough then this will be the end